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When I was in my final year of seminary, a professor pulled my roommate and me aside for a private conversation. He said he had been watching us closely for three years and saw qualities in us that he believed would make us great leaders in ministry. But before we graduated, he had one condition — a challenge that, in hindsight, saved both my ministry and my marriage.

He told us to set aside one day each week as a “Sabbath day.” This day, he said, was to be completely different from the rest of the week. It didn’t have to be on a Sunday or Saturday, but it needed to be a day where we rested and spent time away from the demands of ministry, work, and busyness. If we were married, we should dedicate this day to our spouse or family. At first, I thought this sounded impractical. Ministry is a 24/7 calling, right? But, I quickly learned the wisdom in his advice.

In my first job interview with a church, the senior pastor asked me about my personal disciplines and routines. When I mentioned this weekly Sabbath, he found it admirable — and even began practicing it himself. Over the next 35 years of ministry and marriage, this regular rhythm of rest has been a key to avoiding burnout and maintaining a sustainable, healthy life.

Setting Boundaries to Protect My Marriage

Another critical lesson I learned was about setting boundaries to protect my marriage. Ministry work is never finished. There is always one more person to counsel, one more meeting to attend, one more sermon to prepare. Without boundaries, ministry can overwhelm your personal life, especially your marriage.

Early on, my wife and I made a commitment to protect our relationship through several intentional practices:

1. 1. Weekly Date Nights: No matter how busy life gets, we aim to have a weekly date night. Just the two of us. This time is sacred for us to reconnect, talk and be present with each other without distractions.
2. 2. Day Trips for Two: Twice a year, we take day trips away from the kids, the house and the noise of everyday life. These mini getaways have given us the space to recharge and reconnect.
3. 3. Technology-Free Zones: In the evenings, we turn off all electronics by 8 p.m. and leave our phones aside during meals. These small habits have made a big difference in maintaining meaningful connection, free from distractions.
4. 4. Family Travel: As a speaker and writer, I travel quite a bit. Rather than spending this time apart, we often make these trips family adventures. Whether it’s kayaking or simply exploring a new place, it allows us to experience life together.

These boundaries are more than just good ideas — they are essential to nurturing a strong marriage while also serving in ministry. They show the people around us that, as much as we love ministry, we value our family just as much.

Practical Ways to Set Boundaries in Ministry

Boundaries in any job aren’t just about time off or family life; they’re about creating a sustainable pace for long-term service. Over the years, I’ve found other key practices that have helped me stay grounded:

1. 1. Establish Clear Work Hours: Ministry never stops, but you need to. Establish clear work hours and stick to them. Communicate these boundaries with your congregation to help them understand when you’re available and when you’re with your family.
2. 2. Delegate Responsibilities: One of the best things I’ve learned is that I don’t have to do everything myself. Discover the areas where you are strong and what skills you may be deficient and delegate what you can. By delegating responsibilities to staff, volunteers and lay leaders, you empower others to grow in their strengths while lightening your load.
3. 3. Prioritize Self-Care: It’s easy to neglect yourself when serving others, but taking care of our hearts, mind and body is essential. Regular exercise, good sleep, healthy eating and time for hobbies are crucial for staying refreshed.
4. 4. Limit Social Media and Digital Exposure: While social media can be a tool for ministry, it can also blur the lines between work and personal life. Set limits on your online activity and be mindful of the impact it has on your mental health.
5. 5. Learn to Say No: You don’t have to say yes to every request. Learning to say “no” to non-essential tasks allows you to focus on what truly matters in both ministry and personal life.
6. 6. Schedule Time for Spiritual Renewal: Your spiritual life is the foundation of your ministry. Schedule regular time for personal Bible study, prayer and reflection — separate from your work responsibilities. Don’t forget all of life can be sacred, so playing outside, having a hobby, going fishing, hunting or watching college sports can be nice diversions. God did not create us as “spiritual robots,” so go enjoy time with friends, eating buffalo wings and laughing like you’ve never laughed before. When this takes place, I can sense the pressure valve on my stress container gradually open.
7. 7. Maintain Confidentiality and Emotional Boundaries: Ministry involves deep emotional work. While it’s important to support others, it’s equally important to set boundaries to protect your own mental and emotional well-being. Find a trusted mentor or counselor when you need to debrief.
8. 8. Take Regular Vacations: Don’t skip vacations. Time away from ministry is necessary to recharge and gain a fresh perspective. Your congregation will appreciate a leader who is well-rested and fully present.
9. 9. Balance Time Between Congregation and Family: While serving your church is important, never let it come at the expense of your family. Prioritize time with your spouse and children — they are your first ministry.
10. 10. Create Personal Space in Your Home: If your work and home life overlap, create a separate space for ministry tasks. When you’re off the clock, step away from this space and focus on your personal life.

Why Boundaries Matter

Setting boundaries in ministry isn’t a sign of weakness — it’s a sign of wisdom. Without clear boundaries, it’s easy to lose sight of what matters most: your relationship with God, your family and your well-being. These guardrails not only help you stay healthy, but they also model healthy rhythms of life for your friends, church, family and organization.

At ������Ƶ, we encourage students to start practicing these boundaries early in their ministry journey. I’ve seen firsthand the difference it makes in sustaining both your calling and your personal life. Ministry is a marathon, not a sprint, and boundaries are essential to running that race well.

If you’re looking to grow in ministry while maintaining balance, explore CIU’s Seminary and Missions programs designed to equip you with both theological knowledge and practical skills for long-term success in ministry.

Dr. David Olshine is a Professor of Youth Ministry, Family and Culture and the Kirkland Prison Initiative at ������Ƶ, where he has been equipping students for impactful ministry for over 30 years. With a passion for youth and leadership development, Dr. Olshine is a seasoned speaker, author and mentor, having served in various ministry roles across the country. He is the author of several books on ministry, leadership and personal development, and is known for his practical, down-to-earth approach to guiding young leaders. In addition to his academic work, Dr. Olshine is deeply committed to his family, practicing the very boundaries and balance he teaches. He and his wife regularly speak and write on the importance of sustaining healthy relationships in ministry. He enjoys life in ������Ƶ, SC with his wife, Rhonda, has two children Andrew and Rachel, son-in-law, Chris and two grandsons.

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